Alternative High School Project

In preparation for writing their personal narratives, the AHS students were asked to trace around one of their hands on a sheet of paper and write words around the hand that described themselves, activities they enjoyed, or things they liked. The students were asked to add details to their hands, such as rings, a wristwatch, or any scars or tatoos they had. After a few minutes, they shared their hand drawings and asked one another questions. The hand drawings then were used to prompt ideas for a personal narrative.

Bill chose to write his paragraph on cars and trucks. Once he had composed his first draft, he was ready to follow the steps for engaging in the online writing activity designed by the perservice teachers. He wrote as follows to his cybermentor:

My interest is in old trucks, therefore, I am writing about old trucks. There are a lot of uses for old trucks, and cars. Today let us look at some of them. I found that you can soup up them and make them in to high performance cars, and trucks. You can make them into low riders, jecked up. They have enough room for your big engines like your 440's, 454's, 427's, 350's, 302's, 360's. There is a lot of different types you can get, like Ford Chevrolet, Dodge, General motor company, Pontiac, Honda. There are a lot of different types of cars by these companies. You choose the company you want to deal with and ask about all the cars they put out and if they don't have the type of car you want then go to another company. Like if you went to Dodge and asked for a Camaro they would look at you as if you were joking, and if you went to ford and asked for a Chevrolet product they would look at you the same way. We all know that we need a reliable source of transportation a that is why I decided to do this.

The preservice teacher responded with the following e-mail message:

You have a good start. Sounds like you know quite a bit about trucks. You taught me a few things. I noticed you stated the main idea and used details to support it. You may want to consider giving examples that illustrate the details.For example, what would you do with a high performance truck or a low rider? These questions can add detail to your writing. A few transitional words would help. I look forward to reading more as it progresses.

Bill replied, “Thanks for the advice I appreciate the input. Here is my revised copy. Hope you like it.”

My interest is in old cars and trucks, therefore, I am writing about them. There are a lot of uses for old trucks, and cars. Today let us look at some of them. I found that you can soup up them and make them in to high performance trucks. You can make them into low riders, jecked up. They have enough room for your big engines like your 440's, 454's, 427's, 350's, 302's, 360's. One reason I like old cars and trucks is that you can change them into high performance trucks. When your truck is high performance you can push it a little harder, I mean drive it faster. Another reasonI like old cars and trucks is that you cam even lower rider. Driving a low rider is in style, everybody likes them. I would like to have one to show my friends. Finally, they have lots of room for engines. There is a lot of different types you can get, like Ford Chevrolet, Dodge, General motor company, Pontiac, Honda. There are a lot of different types of cars by these companies. You choose the company you want to deal with and ask about all the cars they put out and if they don't have the type of car you want then go to another company. Like if you went to Dodge and asked for a Camaro they would look at you as if you were joking, and if you went to ford and asked for a Chevrolet product they would look at you the same way. We all know that we need a reliable source of transportation and that is why I decided to do this.

The preservice teacher responded,

GREAT job on your stories! We are so impressed! We knew you had it in ya! Thanks for keeping up the good work, we hope you can see how it paid off. Keep sending revisions of any other stories you have.

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Reading Online, www.readingonline.org
Posted May 2001