Molly’s Writing for the Rain Forest Project
Molly was a second grader in the combined Grade 1/2 classroom. She chose to write her story about an insect. Although the curricular topic of the unit was science, the classroom teacher knew that most primary grade children write more freely and extensively in narrative rather than expository forms. Further, she used the lesson as an example of an integrated curriculum, because it combined narrative writing along with science content. Molly worked hard to craft her first draft, which she entered into the project database. This database, created with FileMaker Pro software, was housed on the university server and was created so that the project Web site could instantly reflect the children’s writing.
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Insekt story Ones upon a time in the rain forest their lived a Butterfly his name was flutter he had a friend his name was fred they had fun together one day the tow friends went to get a drink but their was no water show they dug and dug but their was nun left show they whent to adifrent pond but their was still nun left fred said i give up no dont give up we stil one mor plac to go they whent their they look and look and a srprising thing hapend they fond som wotr they drunk and put som in their botls to tak home as they went home they talked about the best time they had.When they got home they went to bed. |
Molly’s cybermentor, Julie, played an important role by interacting with Molly throughout the writing process. Julie read and responded to Molly’s first draft as follows:
Hi Molly, my name is Julie and I am your writing buddy. I was very glad to read that Flutter and Fred didn't give up and finally found some water. You might want to check your story and be sure to use capital letters at the beginning of each sentence and a period (.) at the end of each sentence. Don't forget to check the book spelling on all the words that you're not sure of. Keep working on it, it is is a very good story! Your new friend, Julie.
The comments were positive, focusing on the story’s strengths. Julie did not make suggestions for grammatical changes, but instead asked questions to encourage Molly to try new approaches. Once Molly received this feedback, she revised her story, making corrections and posting the second version to the database:
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Insect story. Once upon a time in the rain forest there lived a Butterfly. His name was Flutter. He had a friend his name was Fred. They had fun together. One day the two friends went to get a drink. But there was no water. So they dug and dug. But there was none left. So they whent to a different pond. But there was still none left. Fred said I give up. No, don`t give up .We stil have one more place to go. They went there. They looked and looked, and a surprising thing happend. They found some water. They drunk and put some in their bottels to take home. As they went home they talked about the best time they had.When they got home they went to bed. |
After reading Molly’s revision, the preservice teacher responded,
You did a great job of editing your story! I like how you capitalized the beginning of the sentence, put periods at the end and used book spellings. Keep up the great work! Your friend, Julie
Reading Online, www.readingonline.org
Posted May 2001